Is my heart misleading me?

You know, when I look at my heart and reflect on what has been put into it. I often wonder why does it feel so left out at times. I feed it with God's word, praise and worship, yet it still feels left out. I remember growing up with a wonderful family and friends. We always had get togethers with lots of food and fun. We didn't always go to church. I don't even remember my parents taking us. I do remember our GrandMother taking me all the time though. She said I will know Jesus, so she made sure I went.

 I was involved in RA's (Royal Crusaders) a Baptist upbringing. I learned the word and how to be a servant to others. I grew up on a large farm, knowing how to work and work with integrity, honesty and a pure me h heart. Yet my heart was not always pure. My friends teach how to steal, do drugs, lie and so on, while I was in church and RA's. There was always a constant temptation nagging at me. The one thing I was not taught was how to overcome them or have a relationship with Jesus. I knew in my heart that these things were wrong. I could feel something tugging at me saying no this is not right, but I didn't know how to listen to Him. I didn't learn until many years later that who He was nugging me and that I could have a relationship with Him. 

There were many things I was taught that was evil but it was in the bible with Jesus doing them. I really felt lost and I was. So I drifted through this life thinking of no one but myself. I was hurt, tired of being beat up physically, emotionally and spiritually. There were many times I hear His voice speaking to me but I did not know what to do. I would have real but crazy dreams. See and hear things. So to drown them out I lived a life as an outsider. I did all kinds of things that I am not proud of. Yet When I truly found Him (or He found me) I was extremely lost. while I was in the hospital, this man would come visit me and talk to me about why I felt my heart was misleading me. He told me that by refusing to listen to The Spirit of God, I was filling my heart with things of this world that are contrary to Him. He taught me how to listen, hear and speak back. He taught me about the relationship with Him. I was given a Mentor in my life to follow and learn from. I did not receive that except from my Grandmother to a point before she passed. I had a really close bond with her and I did with this man who mentored me. He soon passed also. I struggled for a bit but I knew now how to have that relationship with Jesus and His Spirit. So I dove head into it with all my heart. I was soon to learn that there was much stripping away that needed to be done. It was tuff dieing to self and all I had learned. It took years and still does to be completely transformed, yet I know longer have a heart that misleads me. I have The Father, Jesus and His Spirit who live and reside in me. God is the only one who can deliver and transform us. He transforms us into His likeness. We are already created in His image. 

My hope is in Jesus and that this speaks to you and helps. God Bless You.

Thank you for listening!